Not so quiet times

When I was in college I think I idolized my "quiet time" with the Lord. I would light candles and play soft music and create a "mood" or a sanctuary in order to have the "perfect" time of devotions. These devotions also had to last for a certain amount of time... it just wasn't a "good" quiet time unless I had spent at least 30 minutes to an hour of undisturbed devotion. If I couldn't have it absolutely quiet and still while reading and praying, then I felt as though my time with the Lord was less than good and I allowed it affect me rather negatively. As silly as it sounds, I viewed my time in the word as a "failure."... and if this happened regularly, I would battle feeling guilty for not having consistently good quiet times.

I smile now when I think of those days.... because life has changed so drastically for me over the years. Now I am a mother. Ideally, I would wake up at 5 am before my husband and daughter, and spend "quality" time in the Word.... but the ugly truth is, I am not a morning person to begin with, and now I'm pregnant, which means I require even more sleep than I did previously. Ha ha. Just not happening.

I used to read while Jane had her morning nap... but recently she has not been sleepy enough to require two naps... so instead, at her regular morning nap time, I'll put up the baby gate to her room and she plays by herself for a little while so that I can focus my attention on the Word.

So my "quiet times" are very very different from the way they used to be. Now I hear kids music playing in the back ground, with occasional clashing of "toy music" like "the wheels on the bus" and "we love to learn!!" mixed with Jane jabber and banging and everything else. The Lord has graciously taught me not to idolize my "quiet time" and that even if I can only have a few minutes in the word, or even if there are children's noises in the background, or Jane is crawling in my lap, or crying for my attention, or if I have to take a break to change a diaper, get her a drink or whatever... that my quiet time is not a failure.

I was reading this morning from Susannah Spurgeon's "Free Grace and Dying Love"....

"The ears of my soul are stopped fast, Lord, until you open them. I am deaf, and cannot hear the music of the mercies which are singing around me, like the choristers from heaven.

’Cause me to hear’. As you opened the eyes of Elisha's servant, to see your armies of defense and protection for your prophet, so unclose my ears that the tones of your still small voice may penetrate to my heart, and thrill it with exceeding joy; or, if I am too deafened by the roar and rush of earth's turmoil and distress, speak more loudly to me, Lord. ‘Cause me to hear’, lest I should miss the unspeakable privilege of listening to you."

Whether I am surrounded by candles and music, or loud kid noises with interruptions galore, my time with the Lord can be just as fruitful and precious. If my heart's prayer is for the Lord to "unclose my ears" and "speak more loudly to me"... then He will. How long it has taken me to learn this!! God cares more about my heart's attitude than anything else. If I am selfish and want perfect solitude, and then get irritated when interrupted or distracted with noise, then it is not pleasing to God, and it defeats the whole purpose of spending time in the word! What joyful and sweet moments of meditation and worship I have been blessed with during the most inopportune and unquiet times!!

Ah..... one of the many lessons I have learned through the sweet blessing of motherhood!!